Nights like these...

I think i could stay up all night and just write.  That is how much is on my mind, but i don't really have clear thoughts.

I am very underestimated.  It is starting to get to me, only makes me prove them wrong more.  I'm glad God has given me the inner strength that he has, because i would have been lost a LOOONG time ago, or without the inner strength, maybe i would have needed to rely on God more.  Maybe the inner strength is really a test...

I need to get back into church...heart, mind, and soul.

I feel like i am unappreciated and taken for granted.  I have brushed it off for so long that it is REALLY bothering me now.  I am ALWAYS there for people when they ask me.  If they need help with something they know all they have to do is call and ask.  Sadly, I can't say I have people like that.  It is so easy to take, and never give in return. 

Tonight, i vow to myself, I will not let people walk all over me anymore.  I deserve just as much respect as I am giving...and I will demand it back.

To those of you who i have let down...i am sorry, and if it was brought to my attention I sure as hell hope i tried to make it right. 

I love my family, and my VERY few true friends.

So I found this book while i was waiting at Walmart for my car for two hours that was...

*Why a daughter needs her father.

Amazing.

*A daughter needs her father to make her realize what she should expect from her husband.

*A daughter needs her father to believe in her when the rest of the world doesn't.

*A daughter needs her father to teach her pride and integrity, and the wisdom to know the difference.

*A daughter needs her father to teach her how to be strong, and independent.

*A daughter needs her father to show her what fatherly love, really is.

I thank God for having such a strong, caring, Godly father.  I would be completely lost without him. For a moment after reading almost all of that book, I tried to imagine what it would have been like growing up without a father, granted if my mom would have been well.  I can't.  Even with my mother being able to be there for me, I couldn't imagine not having my dad.  He is more than a father, he is my best friend.  I almost wish I could lend my dad out to the girls who are growing up without fathers.  Matt's sister's didnt have their dad. It really does change a lot of things. I give my dad so much credit, I have never met a man as strong as him.  As patient. As understanding. As loving. I'm not sure of another man who would have stuck beside his wife, while working two jobs, taking care of two kids plus her, and doing everything around the house....thank you dad.  I love you and all your perserverence has NOT gone unnoticed.  Sometimes I want to sit down and write my dad a letter to let him know how much i appreciate and love him...only I know those words could never go as deep as I wanted.

Recently I had some things happen to me that are life changing.  I will never forget it, nor will I ever be the same. I wish there was some way I could protect someone else from having to go through this...it is a mental challenge. Young girls need to have backbone or they will get taken advantage of...that is so sad but true.

I have always felt a calling to help youth.  I remember thinking how great it would be to become a youth leader of a church, to have those teens of my own to be there for and help with their problems, to help them steer their lives in the right direction.  I haven't lost that dream, however, I know that's not what God wants me to do, at least not any time soon.

I have no idea why I am even sitting here writing anything...I have no idea what I want to say. My mind is boggled with so many thoughts, I can't even think clearly...I just hope soon I can release them, clear my head..

Well not too much has gone on since I last posted.  My brother moved in with us about two weeks ago.  He is working full time and getting things together.  Gotta give him props for that.  Also I must admit, it is nice having him around to talk to...even though I think he hates it here.  Maybe in a little bit a time he'll like it more.

It is getting cooler out and more fall like...i LOVE it...there is nothing like fall.  The leaves changing color, wearing a sweater while taking a walk in the park drinking hot apple cider..mmm.  The smell of fall itself is wonderful. 

I am getting stressed about the job situation, but I have been called back for a second interview for one position so we'll see how that turns out.  Gotta keep prayin....

Gotta get my pictures downloaded from the digicam...Cailin is getting too big.  She gets all decked out in Buckeye gear every Saturday with daddy for the games. Rediculous...but she does look really cute. 

Getting over a cold...finally.  Gotta get some things done around here early...gotta be to work at 6 tomorrow.

Does anyone even look at this anymore?

5 Years ago today, our Nation was forever changed.  I hope as careless as us American's are, we aren't forgetting as time is passing.  There are still MANY people out there fighting for us to be over here forgetting what has gone on.  It is amazing how our Nation can come together, crime rates go down, and flags are being flown everywhere to show how proud we are to be Americans. Now just 5 years later, we are back to our laid-back, comfortable lives.  I can't thank our troops enough for all they do for us.  Don't get me wrong, I am just as guilty.  We truely do need God in American again.  I mean, you take God out of schools, and anything public, and wonder why tragic things like this are happening.  Who is the first person they attack for letting it happen...GOD.   Don't bring God back into it now, we removed him, remember?  This nation truely amazes me for all it has been given.

To the families effected by Sept. 11, 2001...my heart goes out to you.  Five years later, and it is still so real.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

To all our military men and women - It takes very special people to up and leave everything they know, and their families and friends, to go and fight for what they believe.  It is so much easier to talk about it.  You guys are living it.  You have my full support and I pray for you guys daily.  To Donny and Mike - the two soldiers that i know and grew up with - I am so proud of both of you.   DONNY - I lost track of how many times you have been overseas now.  I commend you for being as strong as you are, the pictures you have on your myspace scare me, because it is so real....i can't imagine being over there, and seeing all of what you have been through.  Thank you so much for the frequent phone calls and keeping in touch.  I can't help but remember all the memories we have over the years, with the church camps, get togethers and just meeting up to go to play pool.  You have been there for me through anything without a doubt.  I love that we have stayed close and I pray for you every day to stay safe.  I am excited for you to get married, and am so glad you found Justine.  I love you to death, stay safe and keep in touch.  I respect you more than you know.    MIKE - I don't even know where to start.  It seems like when your name comes to mind my thoughts are endless.  Probably one of the first was when you almost wrecked my dads car when i let you drive it going about 150 down a side street with cars parked on both sides....BEFORE you got your license.  Yaaaa.  Anyways, most people who have gone through all we have, wouldn't even talk anymore, wouldn't even want to.  We have a special bond that i  dont even fully understand sometimes.  You are one of my best friends and thank you for all you have done for me and shown me.  I have learned so much from you..both good and bad and through it all, you never left my side...ok well you have done that...but you still were there if i needed you.  HAHA.  Come on..you knew i had to do it.  All jokes aside, we have made many memories, laugh, cried, and pretty much all together...thank you.  You mean so much to me and i love you.  You are coming home soon and I pray for you everyday as well.  Be safe in your last weeks overseas..and I will see you when you get back.  You better treat Marie right, I hear you finally found a good girl.  I'm happy for you.  You deserve nothing but the best.  Thank you for all you have done for our country.

I really need to get back to church.  My heart is hurting. I need Jesus.  (I've never used it like that, EEB)

I thank God for Matt and Cailin.  I would be lost without them. :)